Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
