and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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