He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
