exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
