I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
