How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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