How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
