I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize