Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize