Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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