And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
why do cheetos always look like penises
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
