Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
