just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I just had sex on a roof
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
