Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
