tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Randomize
