Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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