I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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