take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
We named our party play list daddy issues
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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