Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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