I will die if light touches me.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
