I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
