I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
My day in three words: secret purse cake
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
All the doctor said was why
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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