did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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