he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
