I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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