i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
