So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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