question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
