did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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