On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
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