She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
