Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
