there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
