so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Randomize
