I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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