dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
