I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
