yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
