wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
