I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Why is your signature on my underwear?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
