Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
