so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
