my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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