Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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