I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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