Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
