you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Randomize
