giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
