she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
