Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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