he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize