If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
