I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
