An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize