Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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