yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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