the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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