the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Randomize
