Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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