After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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