we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
