8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Randomize
