I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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