So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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