you guys were way drunker than both of me
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
