So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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