i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
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