My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize