weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Quick, to the slutcave!
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
