you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Randomize
