thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize