why didn't you poke me back
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
